oh boy, postal 1. the retroactive black sheep of the family. if the rest of the series is south park, postal 1 is silent hill. its a run n' gun in the purest sense of the phrase-- you run...and you gun. i was really taken off guard by both the gameplay and aesthetics when i first booted the thing up, (its free on steam and GOG. go get it.) seeing as i was really only familiar with the later entries. well...the second and third games. i think this game is best enjoyed roleplaying as an edgy 90's teenager... throw on your industrial/metal albums of choice and start blasting. (may i recommend the downward spiral or the fragile? :^] ) while im rambling...i think he most fun ive had with it is through achivement hunting. both on the steam and gog release. maybe ill get around to 100%-ing it one day. hum.
anyway...postal (1997) introduces us to our protagonist, the postal dude. hes the little polygonal misanthrope you control in-game. he's really the only throughline between the games...every postal has a 'dude,' and this one is the most...pathetic? in my opinion, at least. there's not a lot of story in this game, not that there particularly needs to be for run n' gun conceit of the game to work, so there's not a lot of characterization to glean, either. the dudes in-game one liners are labeled in the game's files as coming from a...the(?) 'demon', which casts the little guy in a sympathetic light, in my opinion.
i enjoy indulging in the age old practice of 'headcanoning.' in laymans terms-- 'making shit up,' so postal 1's journal entries are particularly interesting to me. did the dude write these journal entries? is he delusional, or a victim of the demon? is it a REAL demon, or a manifestation of mental illness? well, i dunno. take a look and tell me what YOU think.
this is the 'war journal' found in the game's manual.
HOME
Moving to “Paradise” was a tragic mistake. People here are...sick. I hear gunshots, screams after dark. Now the phone calls, sayin’ I’m being thrown outta this house. MY house, Wearing Kevlar vest and carrying a sidearm at all times now...
TRUCKSTOP / SHERRIF'S STATION
Worst fears confirmed. Group of lunatics tried to invade my home. Must get to truckstop and Sherrif, see if anyone there can help me. Afraid only God can help me now...
THE HOVEL
Like animals – even the Sheriff! Everyone here is infected with something. Something in the air, or water. Don’t know. Maybe from Air Force Base? Hope not – that base may turn out to be my last hope.....
THE PARADE
Must face the possibility that I am only uninfected person in Paradise. Air Force must napalm entire town...ensure this madness doesn’t contaminate rest of the country! Wait! I hear...music? Damn! It IS music! Better check thisout...
BRIDGE AND MINE ENTRANCE
It’s war now. That “parade” of murderous maniacs marching down the middle of Main St. was.....sobering. Everyone here is mad, sick.... Must attempt to cross the bridge, lose myself in the mines....
(previously, these were labeled as diary entries. from here on, the entries are marked as coming from a 'war journal')
MINE INTERIOR
Didn’t think I’d make it. Sitting duck on bridge. Must work my way through these caverns...they open into junkyard on far side of town...either way. I’ll have the advantage in these narrow mines!
THE SALVAGE YARD
Crossed the bridge, successfully navigated the underground mines and have emerged into salvage yard. Am now straight in my mind about what I have to do and will do it as efficiently and remorselessly as possible....
THUNDERBIRD TRAILER PARK
There MUST be others like me – immune to this germ warfare or whatever it is. Approaching trailer park. Maybe some sane people there. Can’t get hopes up, but must not despair, either.
THE TRAIN STATION
Drenched in blood – mine, others. Could I be infected too? Up ahead...train station. If I can get out, I can warn them. Yes. Then I can warn everybody...
PARADISE OSTRICH FARM
Looks like a farm. Birds? OSTRICHES? Good Lord, am I infected, mad like the others? Must move efficiently. Got to get this dirty job done. Let the feathers fly!
THE CONSTRUCTIION SITE
Blood everywhere. Like a river, flowing around me, pulling me in its wake like a helpless child. It’s all got to go now. The whole town. Prepare for....deconstruction!
THE GHETTO
My head... pounding. Must work way toward Air Force Base. Coming to a “bad” section of town....Better be...careful...Might get mugged....
THE CITY
Keep wondering about the Base. If I run into a flyboy, it’s God’s guarantee he’ll try to put a cap in me, figure I’m infected. Oh, hell, I’m gonna die once I hit the city anyhow...
CENTRAL PARK
Taking too many hits....Getting weak...See green up ahead – maybe a forest? Probably a park. Can’t go backwards – nothing back there but death. Keep moving, soldier...
THE INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX
The industrial complex is last obstacle between me and the Base. Too far to quit now. Whatever waits at the Base, I’m going to see it with my own eyes.
AIR FORCE BASE
This is it. The new Alamo. Me or them. Can’t delay, can’t risk infection. C’mon, grunt, let’s rock and roll.......
POSTAL: SPECIAL DELIVERY
(this entry was found on the back of the box. not sure what level it's referring to, but it feels like the earthquake one to me. i cant really figure out if there were any extra entries for these levels...but i doubt it. would love to be proven wrong, though.)
I woke up for the strangest dream this morning... My head is pounding... Who came in here and moved around all my furniture? I'd better go find out.
the little tidbits found on the game's loading screens.
HOME
10/17/1997 The Earth is hungry. Its heart throbs and demands cleansing. The Earth is also thirsty.
THE TRUCKSTOP
10/17/1997 Blessed are the meek for they make easy targets.
THE OUTSKIRTS
10/17/1997 The air ripens with the odors of the dead and dying. It smells like...victory.
PARADE OF DISASTERS
10/18/1997 A glorious symphony of slaughter! 76 tromboners led the death parade...
THE BRIDGE
10/18/1997 Life is cheap--death is free! Act now! Supplies are limited! (Offer void in Arizona)
THE MINE
10/18/1997 Furious fireflies materialize against the cavern wall and sunder the earth into dust. Come, little insects, and see the web WE'VE woven!
THE JUNKYARD
10/19/1997 I will don the eviscerated organs of my enemies as party hats, wear their shredded entrails as neckties, and oh, how I shall dance!
THE TRAILER PARK
10/19/1997 Human trash spills from its containers as death rains down upon them, sweeping the streets in a cleansing cloudburst of blood..
THE TRAIN
10/19/1997 Next stop: Armageddon, the River Styx, Hades... and all points in between! All aboard!
THE FARM
10/20/1997 Feathers will fly, but big birds won't. They WILL however, be going south this winter...FAR south!
THE CONSTRUCTION SITE
10/20/1997 Blood splinters everywhere. Like a river, flowing around me, pulling me in its wake. Paradise! Prepare for...deconstruction!
THE GHETTO
10/20/1997 Black leather smoke coils up my nostrils tingling with death's surprise. Human remnants cling to my clothing like bloody briars as I continue to wade, hip deep in flesh, bone, and viscera. Bad neighborhood coming up!
THE CITY
10/21/1997 I am the celestial gardener, policing the planet of the stink weeds and poisons which leak out even through the cracks in the cold asphalt sidewalks of the City of Sin!
CENTRAL PARK
10/21/1997 No day in the park. Too much of the blood on me is mine. But the day is not done, and I've miles to go to make them sleep... Peanuts anyone?
THE INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX
10/21/1997 Feast upon the frozen images of molten massacre as the machineries of death grind relentlessly, mindlessly on...
AIR FORCE BASE
10/22/1997 From the halls of the Vatican to the Runways of Truth, we are there. At the place called Climax, and the time called NOW. When it's done, let the gods sort it out!
THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
10/23/1997 The hive has been cleansed. The source of the corruption has been corked, laid in a body bag and dragged to the outskrts of existence.
EZ MART
1/20/1998 Watch for falling prices, falling employees, falling customers, incoming missiles, and blood puddles...
EARTHQUAKE
1/21/1998 The earth was hungry, so it ate some people.
SHANTY TOWN
1/22/1998 The earth is thirsty. It also seems to have soiled itself...
LA PALIMINO RESORT
1/23/1998 Did someone say they've fallen and can't get up?
TOKYO
10/20/1999 Watch the river run; flowing with bubbling blood; the end, it is near.
OSAKA
10/20/1999 The footprint you see; Godzilla has formed for you; your city laid waste.
for my own amusement, and just to see how long i can make this scrollbox...i wanted to add the text from the co-op and deathmatch levels.
HOME
CO-OP (Gang Warfare Comes Home)
On this day, the demons have brought us together, so that each may help the other strike out against The Man.
DEATHMATCH (Everyone's Home)
On this day, the demons have brought us together, so that each may strike the other down.
TRUCKSTOP
CO-OP
N/A
DEATHMATCH (Truckin')
The streets will flow red with the blood of the unbelievers!
OUTSKIRTS
CO-OP (Gangs in the Outskirts)
Are You Threatening Us?
DEATHMATCH
Are You Threatening Me?
PARADE
CO-OP (Parade of Disaster)
Come on everyone, let's strike up the band!
DEATHMATCH
If you bring death, others will feast upon it.
BRIDGE
CO-OP (Postal Tribal Bridge)
Lookout friends! That bridge may be mined...you go first.
DEATHMATCH (The Bridge is out)
Death comes quickly to those who order early. Don't delay.
MINE
CO-OP
N/A
DEATHMATCH
N/A
JUNKYARD
CO-OP
It's OK to leave your shell casings on the ground, we're in a junk yard.
DEATHMATCH (Salvage Your Very Lives)
We are all here for one purpose, to battle to the death and salvage the remnants of our very souls.
TRAILER PARK
CO-OP
There's Bubba now, get 'em!
DEATHMATCH
I welcome all of you to my party of death.
TRAIN
CO-OP (Train Gang)
All aboard!
DEATHMATCH
Round trip or One Way? IRT, BMT, BART, it's all the same when you're killing time!
FARM
CO-OP
Lets go Ostrich tipping.
DEATHMATCH (Down On The Farm)
A festival of slaughter....I will do a good deed and feed the masses.
CONSTRUCTION
CO-OP
Looks like its quitting time on this site!
DEATHMATCH (Build Your Own Death)
I hear power tools inside my head...ah...feels good!
GHETTO
CO-OP
We're lost. Let's ask for directions.
DEATHMATCH
Urban druids delight in fresh kill...come children, witness your father's arrival.
CITY
CO-OP
1...2...3...Not It!
DEATHMATCH
Silk suits dress the dead, kiss them one more time before they go...there will be no second chance.
CENTRAL PARK
CO-OP
Play Ball!
DEATHMATCH
This park is the perfect setting for our wicked recreation.
INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX
CO-OP
Maybe we better stop before someone gets hurt?
DEATHMATCH (Factories of Death)
As the machines grind on, they call for death to lubricate them. Hop In!
AIRFORCE
CO-OP (Gang vs. Air Force Base)
Sound the alarm, the Postal forces are here and they are fully armed!
DEATHMATCH
The womb is like a warm fuselage, carrying people to their destiny.
EZ MART
CO-OP (EZ Targets at the Mart)
from here on out, its just co-op levels :^)
SHANTY TOWN
CO-OP
The only way to get rid of that stench is to burn it, so lets go!
EARTHQUAKE
CO-OP
Look at this mess... they will hardly notice us.
LA PALAMINO RESORT
CO-OP (Postal Convention)
Our demands: bring us some hors d'oeuvres!
oh hell...ill take another scrollbox...im not driving. here's the bits from the gauntlet levels as well.
WELCOME TO THE GAUNTLET
It's time to run the gauntlet and break yourself!
TAKE CARE OF THESE
It should be no problem to clean up this level
MINE RUN
You'll see when you guys get your own mine
HAVE A BLAST
They've got you outnumbered, but that's about it.
UNARMED BRIDGE SPRINT
Better move quick, there's no fighting back
NEW HOME FLAG DAY
These guys want to keep their flags in the worst way.
PARK ATTACK
Mow them down, they just keep coming.
FLAG LOOT
Grab all the flags you can carry.
JUNK YARD COUNTDOWN
See what's worth salvaging from this junk yard.
TAPS
You've got the weapons, you've got some time, whatcha gonna do?
TRUCK STOP PIT STOP
Go once around the truckstop and get the flags. Hold on tight!
HOME BASE
Bring that flag back to your home base
JUNK YARD RECOVERY
See if you can salvage a flag from all of the junk.
FIRE IS COOL
My guess is you should probably use fire on this level.
TRAILER ABDUCTION
Go ahead, take the flag. I'm sure they don't need it. Or, maybe I'm wrong.
BRIDGE OF DEATH
Let's clear the blockade off of this bridge, how are cars supposed to get through?
FLAG PARADE
Parade around the streets of town, and oh, how you shall dance!
GHETT THE FLAG
You've gotta get the flag, it's REALLY important
HARVEST TIME
The harvest is perfectly ripe, better hurry before it goes bad.
WORKING IN THE MINE
It's another day in the mine, the faster you work, the more you get paid.
HOME COOKIN'
Time to open up a can
FLAG HUNTER
Tag your game and bring your trophy home.
MINE FIRE
Fire is your tool, but don't hit a gas pocket or we'll have to seal off the shaft for 2000 years.
